With age comes experience and wisdom. Now that I have turned 70, I hope I have earned both. As a senior citizen, I can be excused for speaking my mind without being politically correct.
During the past few days innumerable Teej parties were organized in Kathmandu as well as around the world wherever Nepalis happen to live. I have seen photos of Teej parties held in America and in Nepal. They all have one common denominator—alcohol and fashion.
Truth is blind. So what I am going to write here will not please everyone, especially those women who had waited a whole year to celebrate Teej. So call me “a grumpy old man” if you like. I don’t mind it, because I am one.
It doesn’t amuse me when I see the bastardization of a culture. To celebrate one’s culture is beautiful. It’s the only way to continue it. However, in the name of Teej, let us not change the spirit and the method by which to celebrate it. For example, in the name of “dar” Nepali women gather to drink alcohol and cake. That’s not how I remember Teej.
When I was growing up in Nepal, my mother, sisters and sisters-in-law ate kheer and mishri kanta at midnight. After that, they fasted until the next evening when the fast was broken with a Shiva puja under the guidance of a Brahman.
Today, however, I have seen in place of kheer, the women cut a cake, and in place of mishri kanta they drink wine, whisky, margarita and vodka. Although alcohol binging isn’t good for health, occasional drinking in social setting is accepted. After all, we live in the country of Melcchas where alcohol is a billion dollar industry. If I told you that I didn’t drink, I wouldn’t be honest. We all have done it on some occasions. But a public display is nothing to be proud of. It is harmful not only to our reputation but also for our young children who are likely to emulate us. Please think about your children what kinds of examples you are setting for them and society in which they live.
My point is—if drinking is the agenda, why not call it “Rato Sari and Hariyo Tilari Party.” But let us not drag Teej into the mud. It’s perfectly fine to have a drinking party, but call it just that.
Again, let us not drag Teej into the mud if you want to have a competition of sari and jewelry where the women dress their best and wear the most jewelry. If that were the agenda, I am not denying women of their God-given right to look their best. Women should want to look their best. If they didn’t, the billion-dollar cosmetic and jewelry industries would collapse. Women are the primary driving force behind these industries.
For fashion, let them organize a fashion show separate from Teej. They may call it “Rato Sari and Hariyo Tilari Show” where women compete to win the coveted title of the year. The one who wears the most is declared the winner. However, the winner should consider hiring a bodyguard because she can be a target for kidnapping. With so much expensive jewelry on her body she is more valuable monetarily than physically. I read a story where a rich man was kidnapped not for his money but for his Rolex watch.
How is a tradition created? A tradition is established through the transmission of customs or beliefs from generation to generation by doing the same thing repeatedly. If this is the definition of tradition, then the Nepali women in America are likely to alter the tradition of Teej. For example, alcohol will take place of mishri kanta. So “Dar” would be associated with alcohol and cake.
It’s a simple matter of association. I grew up smelling marigold flowers during Bhai Tika. So whenever I smell marigold it transports me back to my days in Nepal when my sisters put a tika on me while giving me a marigold garland, followed by lots of home-made and halwai-made desserts. For me the “Sel Roti” is also a marker of Dasain and Tihar festivals.
Of all the festivals, Teej is the one that is intimately associated with women and their potency of fertility. Naturally, the festival of Teej falls right after Monsoon when the rice paddies have been planted in the field. The color red which all women don during the festival is a symbol of their creative aspect. To me Teej is richly symbolic of women’s awesome creative power.
The mythology that forms the basis for Teej is equally rich. The Goddess Parvati in her many births desire to obtain Shiva as her husband and finally after a penance of 108 years she compelled Shiva to accept her as her husband. It shows her determination and power to subdue even Mahadeva, the God of gods, to surrender to her wish. Who can defy a woman, especially a wife? Only those who are married would know what I am alluding to.
No wonder women, clad in red, on Teej are said to be Shiva’s women. That is the reason women of the Kathmandu Valley make a pilgrimage to the temple of Pashupatinath to get a blessing from Shiva for their husbands and their families. Clearly the foundation of Teej is religion and hence it goes against the tradition to trivialize a culture that is so rich in meaning. ⧓
Nice blog. I really appreciate how you see it. And I respect that. I have never been to any of Teej Celebrations in USA because, it’s for women and I never understood what men are doing there. I see nothing wrong celebrating with alcohol. Too bad, Brahmans by tradition never enjoyed drinking alcohol, it doesn’t mean others should not. I did not know Brahmins owned Teej and others has to abide by their rules. Dai, don’t you think we should look forward than backward?
Comments like these motivate me to take on the controversial and sensitive issues. I hope you didn’t take me as a moral police. I have no right to impinge on others’ personal lives, nor do I want to impose my own views onto others. The issue at hand is misappropriation of name—not alcohol. Please read my blog one more time.
At a funeral, even an alcoholic refrains from drinking. Please tell me, is it appropriate to open a bottle of wine and drink it in front of the mourners? Then again, certain Tantric rites demand alcohol. It’s a matter of time, place and tradition.
Brahmins don’t own Teej; it’s the festival of women who totally dictate it. That’s why men are not allowed in any of the rites. Brahmins are involved because women break their day-long fast after performing a Shiva puja. And it’s the Brahmin’s job to conduct it.
Are we really going back with most of the traditional things we do? For celebrating Dasain and Tihar, for example, we aren’t going back, but moving forward with some new elements? Christians don’t consider themselves backward for celebrating Christmas exactly the same way they used to celebrate 500 years ago. Of course, the types of gifts they buy for their loved ones have changed. No children even 20 years ago received an iPad or an X-box. But the spirit and tenor in which it’s celebrated are the same.
Each culture has its own unique characteristic. If we lost that we have lost our identity. According to time and place modifications are bound to take place, but essentially the core of the tradition remains unchanged. Thank you for your input.
What you described sounds more like Dashain – the biggest festival of vices.
You bring a lot of light to our traditions. However, in 2015 when women have accepted their want to equality, I am talking about Nepali women, you are pointing out how they can influence their young ones by their choices. Why haven’t we ever talked about how men have been influencing their sons and their daughter with their consumption of alcohol before modern times. If they drink at festivals that’s ok, that hasn’t shared any message with our youth since the day they can remember in Nepal or the US. But, once women start adapting similar habits, they are pointed fingers at when are still celebrating their customs. Also, when women drink there is a very small number of women who binge. Unlike our men, even it’s a weekend or Dashain, they binge, most of them. If they don’t drink they are frowned upon. Nobody openly talks about this gender appropriations. Yes, our customs are religiously based, but over generations, it is inevitable that it will change. Also, please remember that not everything is readily available for everyone all over the world. Out customs are celebrated by our minority population in abroad, as you also know. This adaptation is a given. Also, every Nepali family is different, their traditions are different, their beliefs are different, so it should be a choice how they get to celebrate it. Its something us women look forward to here in the US after a long day and year of work. For us, it is a culture of celebration away from our home, and we try our best to conserve our customs, but with less time for preparation we aren’t able to continue what traditions may ask of us.
For women Teej is the biggest and the most important festival.
Priyanka ji,
Yes, alcoholism and gender equality are important issues, and we must address them. But they are separate issues for which a wider platform is needed. So let us not confuse the issues here by mixing them. The issues you have raised are the ills of Nepali society, which must be dealt with separately. I will write about them at a later date. But here the issue is Teej—the distortion, bastardization, misuse, misappropriation and cooption of a sacred and meaningful tradition of which I have fond childhood memories. So please don’t digress from the subject.
In your comments you wrote, “[…] so it should be a choice how they get to celebrate it. Its something us women look forward to here in the US after a long day and year of work.” By your own admission you [“us women”] have to wait a whole year for this day to have alcohol which you couldn’t have at any other time. By this implication you are clearly associating Teej with alcohol. If this is your implication, I feel sorry about the way you think and argue. Nepali women who live in the U.S. are free to do anything they like. So they really don’t need to wait until Teej to have a drinking party.
You seem like an educated and well-read person. Therefore, I don’t think you are advocating that women in America should use alcohol on Teej. As responsible persons, we shouldn’t misuse the name of any religious festival for our selfish purpose. That’s all I am saying.
I am not a misogynist. On the contrary, I have stood for women’s rights and equality. I have raised my voice against rape, wife beating, child labor, child marriage and human trafficking of young girls. Nepal has many social ills. Let us not add another one just because men do it. I have deep respect for and appreciation of women. I teach a course on Visions of the Divine Feminine in South Asia and I always ask the question, “Why in a country where men bow down to Durga, Parvati and Saraswati, yet mistreat their wives, daughters and sisters?” If this is not a double standard, what is?
When women want to celebrate their fast for Teej and enjoy dar feasting elaborately nobody has the right to cater what should be in the menu. If some women choose to drink they have every right to do so and if they cut a cake they can eat it too. There is no mention anywhere in the holy books that women should only eat kheer and misri kanda!!
Women have every right to dress up, makeup and deck themselves with jewelry in the name of Teej or any occasion for that matter. I don’t see why they should change the name of the occasion it sounds absurd and so petty for the writer to point out what ladies did long time back with modernization there have been improvisation in every sector of life.
Old man take a chill pill and relax and leave the ladies to have their share of fun.
I don’t expect you to agree with me. You are entitled to your opinion. Thank you, Jaya ji, for taking the time to read my blog. Hope to see you here, again, under favorable circumstance. As for your advice to take a chill pill, you may pass it on to someone else who really needs it. I am okay without it. Thank you for the advice, though.
The problem with your blog is you started off with a valid observation but then you turn this into a moralizing lecture on cutlure. I have never been to any of the Teej parties here in the US, but I have seen plenty of pictures. The reason I do not celebrate Teej is the exact reason you have mentioned what Teej stands for. To get a worthy husband if the woman is not married and if you are married, for husband’s longevity. Have I seen any man doing the same thing for their wives? I would rather fast for Saraswoti Puja. Where is all the दर तडक भडक for sarswoti Puja? Well, if a woman wants to don a red sari and wear her best jewlry int the name of दर so be it. And oh they can cut the cake and eat it too with the help of some fancy alcoholic beverage. And if they don’t do the fasting the next day so be it. Take it as just another grand party. But of course, there is no reason to change the name.
Namita ji,
Well, we then live in a society where anything goes. Why even do Saraswati puja if we don’t believe in culture? If having good time is only the goal, aren’t we being hypocrite to attach the name of Teej? Why not just become secular or atheist. Do I care? Not really. But the irony I see among us is to bring the damn culture where it doesn’t belong. As for men, it’s the system that is created by them using the principles of patriarchy to keep the women under control. This world we call Samsara is not fair. Let us bring Kali to cause further chaos, discord and disorder. In fact, Kali is already here as the signs tell. Thank God, I wouldn’t be around to witness the immanent pralaya (dissolution).
I completely agree with your views and as you so aptly put it, if the womenfolk want to have a party, they could so on any day of the year – why bastardize a tradition that has been handed down centuries. I am not against women having a good time – drinking, dancing, partying – it’s just that I don’t subscribe to them doing it in the name of “Teej”.
Thank you, Bibhuti ji.